Thank you for reading And Also, a weekly newsletter featuring personal stories and lesson plans to help you navigate life ✨!
When Karissa Kouchis agreed to come on my fledgling podcast in 2020, I felt like I was talking to a celebrity — and I kind of was in the personal development world. At the time, KK was the youngest nationwide trainer for a well-known self-help speaker, but she had (and still has) a perspective, energy, and flair that was all her own.
At the time of our interview, we talked a lot about mindset and how you can exercise the power of your mind to design a life you want to lead — instead of letting your mind lead you on autopilot. We also talked about how shifting your identity will change your life, a unique journaling technique to set yourself up for success, how to show up in a more powerful way by taking risks every day, and so much more.
It was an inspiring (and enlivening!) conversation then, and I really enjoyed revisiting it to share with you as I close out this month’s content on mindset and identity work.
I’ve shared some of my favorite KK-isms below, but you can hear more from her in our full conversation on Brave Enough to Be. And if you want to learn more about what Karissa is up to lately, you can follow her wisdom and her work on Instagram.
Next month, I’ll be sharing more about authentic purpose — and how to align your life with your core reason for being. Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss a thing!
And now, on to Karissa . . .
On Studying the “Recipe” for the Life You Want to Make
The thing that's so attractive to me about development is that if you have a recipe to make a great cake, you can make a great cake. So if there's someone doing something in their finances or their body or their life or their relationships that you desire — or maybe you find yourself being jealous of it — I am always like, great. Here's the recipe. Now let me study it.
Giving Back by Becoming More
If you're trying to get into [personal development] and say you haven't really pursued it, or you've always had this secret closet desire to get into self development and grow to the best version of yourself, the first thing that I would do is take the pressure off. It's not a big thing. The simple question is: Do you feel like you could be creating more abundance, more joy, more love in your life — in any area of your life? And if the answer is yes, there's a one liner that I love, and it's “You have the privilege and the responsibility to give back in this life by becoming more.” So if that desire is there for you to become more in an area of your life, it's the small, tiny pursuits and decisions every single day. That is self development at its purest, most tiny form. It doesn't have to be something big. So trusting your heart and your soul, and just kind of going for it.
On What You’d Do If You Believed in Yourself
I just want to invite everyone to the question: Do you simply believe in yourself? And if not, I would say what would you do if you did? What's the first action you’d take if you just believed in yourself deeply? Usually, that is a freeing question, and if you just could drum up enough courage to do one little thing to take you closer to that piece of action, you'll be very surprised at what you'll create in your life.
What's the first action you’d take if you just believed in yourself deeply?
Making a Decision vs. Making a Preference
Decision is when you cut off from something — there's no other option, we decided and that's it. If you decide you're going to wake up at 5am to work out, your brain is like, “Okay, we're going”. You don't negotiate with yourself, you make a decision and you run.
A lot of times people make preferences these days: I prefer to have a tighter ass, I prefer to be healthier, I prefer to have more money, I prefer to have a better body. I prefer to love myself, I prefer to meditate, I prefer to get into self development, I prefer to love my job. It's preference; it's like preference overload. And there's no decision connected to it.
So what I would suggest for everyone [reading] to this is get really conscious about when you make decisions — don't make them from autopilot; be really present with every decision that you make through your day . . . And once you do that, your brain is going to start to remember, wow, I can trust you. I can trust when you say we're doing something, we're doing it — and you put yourself back into control. That's how you exercise the power of your mind.
On Small Decisions Leading to Identity Shifts
We put so much pressure on humans, as human beings, on what's our purpose; what we want. We want to get into self development, we must radically change our lives! We want to be better decision makers, there must be some massive thing that we could do! And what you're showcasing here is that you don't have to take quantum leaps for quantum gains . . . Once you adjust your identity around a decision, everything in your life will change.
You don't have to take quantum leaps for quantum gains . . . Once you adjust your identity around a decision, everything in your life will change.
Finding Internal and External Congruence
If you would have met me, you know, two years ago . . . I remember I was making such little money that I was living at home with my parents in the suburbs of Chicago. And I would go home and I would say things like, I don't even know what my opinions are. And I would be in a meeting and people would be having a conversation about anything — about an influencer or a celebrity or something in the news or just a random conversation — and I did not know what my thought was. I was like, “Do I like that? Do I not like that?” And there was this period of life where I was really, really confused on my thoughts and showing up.
And the reason that confusion was there was because I wasn't congruent. I was acting and I was living a life that wasn't in alignment with who I really was at my core. And that was the distinction is that I had multiple facets and components of my life that were misaligned from my identity — what I was doing for my career, you know, what I was doing on the weekend, what I wasn't doing on the weekend, the books that I weren’t reading, the workouts that I was missing, or the the ways of being that didn't really feel truly me.
. . . And the skill set that I utilized for that was being an investigator, investigating myself with all of my beliefs and all of the things I said and all of the things that I engaged in, and being willing — truly willing — to ask myself, what do I really want? Am I doing this to fulfill a need? Am I doing this for someone else's reasons and not my own? If I were acting with what I wanted, what would I actually do? What do I actually think? And then I would get quiet instead of responding to things. So immediately, I'd get quiet and I'd go inside. And I would investigate this and I would have that conversation with myself internally.
And then I would just get the confidence to one by one, start to do and act and respond and feel and think, exactly as me at my root, at my core, as this star seed, this soul, this light existing on the planet: Who am I actually? And the freedom and the confidence and the willingness and the courage to explore that is going to really expose your truest view.
And that's been a journey and one that I'm involving in every day, and I become more in love with myself every single day that I watch how I act in certain situations . . . And it's not like, you can’t take a magic pill to just start making that happen. It's the courage to do it one by one by one by one.
Who am I actually? And the freedom and the confidence and the willingness and the courage to explore that is going to really expose your truest view.
Training Your Brain to Take Risks
Think of what is like the smallest —or biggest risk — that you could take today that makes you want to throw up —something you can do that makes you wanna vomit. And identify that thing that you could do that makes you sick, that would actually create a big ripple or create momentum in your business — maybe it's something as simple as going live on Instagram, and that makes you want to die because no one on your page follows you for the thing you want to be known as so you feel like it’d be weird or whatever.
Think of that one risk that you could take today that would make you want to vomit. And then I ask you to date that risk, flirt with it, get acquainted with it, and don't think about doing it — execute it. And I would say execute it in the next hour. Once you listen to this, think about that risk and then go do it. I don't want you to write it down and say, “Okay, I'll do it tomorrow, because of this, this, this, this, this”. It is like you're handcuffed to this risk, and you must execute it within the next hour.
And doing that one act of executing something that is scary to you — is going to train your brain to say, “Wow, that was kind of addicting”. It's almost like a high. And you'll start to look at risk differently.
Takeaways from My Interview with Karissa
Jealousy can be a signal of what you want. Notice that and remember that the person you're jealous of is showing you a recipe that you can follow.
Proximity is power. Once you're exposed to different ways of thinking, it'll change your thoughts, your beliefs and your actions. You just have to be open to thinking new thoughts.
When you have the desire to do something, make a decision, not a preference — and make it in that moment. Then commit to it. That's how you make real change.
Ask yourself, “Do I believe in myself?” And if you're not there yet, ask: “What would I do if I did?” What's the first action you’d take if you believed in yourself deeply? Now make a decision to do it.
Be present with every decision you make in your day: Are you making it in the short term to fulfill an immediate need? Or are you making it to meet a long term vision?
We train our minds to trust ourselves when you make decisions and then stick to them. Your mind knows that it can trust you to do what you say you're going to do.
Once you adjust your identity around a decision, it will change your life because you'll recognize that this is what you do. This is who you are.
When parts of your life are incongruent with who you truly are, you can't live as your most authentic self. So instead be an investigator: If you were to ask yourself what you wanted, what would you actually say? What would you actually do? Consider asking yourself “Who am I actually?” Ask yourself those questions, then get quiet and listen to the answers.
Tell yourself “I'm the type of person that _____”, and give yourself the permission to show up as that person every single day.
Start flirting with risk. What's the biggest risk you can take today that makes you want to throw up but will create momentum in your life? Flirt with it, get acquainted with it, then go do it in the next hour.
Listen to the full interview with Karissa on Brave Enough to Be HERE.
Thank you for reading And Also! To receive all new posts — free and paid — and support my work, I hope you’ll consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. 💛
